Starting Over When You’re Older
What does it mean to start over when you are in your seventies… or beyond?
We often hear that phrase—“starting over”—as if it belongs to the young.
As if reinvention has an expiration date.
As if risk, hope, love, and even mistakes are only meant for earlier chapters of life.
But what happens when life doesn’t follow that script?
Starting Over
I recently lost what feels like everything.
I had been in a committed relationship for over twenty-five years. We lived together, built a life, and over time, quietly, we began to grow apart. There wasn’t a single moment—it was gradual, almost unnoticeable at first, until distance replaced connection.
During that time, I developed a working relationship with another woman. We also took gardening classes together, spent time in the mountains, shared conversations that felt alive, creative, passionate again. Somewhere along the way, I fell deeply in love with her.
Instead of slowing down… instead of taking the time to understand what was happening in my long-term relationship, I made a decision. I ended it.
I moved quickly—bought a house, relocated to be closer to her, built my next chapter around the belief that this love would be mutual.
About a year later, I found out it wasn’t.
She told me—through an email—that she could not reciprocate my feelings, not even as a friend. Just like that, it ended. I don’t think she ever fully understood the depth of the impact—emotionally, physically, financially—that her presence in my life had created. Someone said to me critically when I was having a shame attack, “only a fool dreams of something he cannot have.”
The Losses
Since then, it feels like everything has unraveled.
I lost the relationship of twenty-five years.
I lost the woman I had fallen in love with and a dear friend
I lost the property I had called home for decades—three acres that I cared for with my hands, my time, my heart.
I lost my financial security
Every inch of that land held meaning.
My greenhouse. My garden beds. The landscaping I nurtured year after year.
There was pride there… and peace.
Now I have a mortgage again—something I hadn’t had in ten years.
I’ve had to return to work, at least part-time, to keep up.
I’ve relocated to a more isolated foothill community-it just doesn’t feel like home yet
And perhaps the hardest part—
I’ve been living with a deep sense of heartbreak and loneliness.
The Question No One Talks About
So here’s the question that keeps coming back to me:
How do you start over when you are older?
When your body is a little more tired…
When your social circle is smaller…
When the world feels like it’s moving faster than you are…
When people say things like:
“David, what were you thinking?”
“You’re too old to start over.”
“Nobody does that at your age.”
But Maybe That’s Not the Right Question
Maybe the real question isn’t how to start over.
Maybe it’s this:
Is starting over actually something we ever stop doing?
Because the truth is—life keeps changing, whether we want it to or not.
At any age, we lose things.
People. Places. Roles. Identities we once held tightly.
And sometimes… we are the ones who make the choices that lead to those losses.
I believe I am facing some of the ultimate challenges ahead, but I am hopeful that I will be born again into a better version of myself.
EXERCISE
Are you starting over and think you are too old to meet the challenges ahead? What support and resources do you need.? This challenge for you could be a gift on some deeper level that has been waiting for you.
Remember, don’t act your age!