“Catch a falling star and put in your pocket, save it for a rainy day. For love my come and tap you on the shoulder, some starless night.” Paul Vance
Memories seem to haunt us more as we get older, still latched on to some of the emotional best and worst times of our lives. I wrote this about two years ago.
(Note 43) First, I realize that I don’t seem to have many memories I can consciously call up, even with time, to account for my life. There are gaps, parts that seem distant or elusive, like trying to catch stars in a cloudy sky. Then there’s the fact that when memories do flood in, it’s like a mixed bag—filled with both treasure and junk. As we grow older, we compare those youthful memories with the limitations of aging, which can bring both nostalgia and frustration.
Some memories I want to tuck into my pocket and hold onto dearly, like precious gems. I think about falling in love with my ex wife and current wife, the thrill of being part of a college soccer team, the joy of witnessing my daughter’s birth, being in Peace Corp, the immense relief and pride when I passed the oral exam that earned me my LMFT license, and passing the exam to become a Master Gardener. These moments are bright, and I want to keep them close.
But there are others I would rather brush off like dirt from my clothes. The memories of losing family members—my sister, brothers, and parents—those leave a scar. And then there’s the pain I caused my daughter and my ex-wife because of the divorce. Those memories feel heavy, and while I know they’re part of my story, I sometimes wish I could let them fade away.
Yet, as I think about it more, I’m realizing that maybe memories, both the good and the painful, are like stars. Stars can be bright, shiny, illuminating or dying, fading away. Stars like memories, have their place in shaping who we are. Maybe it’s not about putting every memory in your pocket or discarding the others but finding a way to see the whole constellation of experiences.
EXERCISE:
Memories, like falling stars, offer us opportunities to reflect on, revisit, and appreciate our lives. Which memories are precious, positive, and self-affirming? Which ones remain painful and may need to be addressed with a friend, family member, or counselor?
Remember, don’t act your age?