Our greatest glory is not in never failing, but rising every time we fall-Confucius
I believe all older adults have stories from their past that deserve to be shared. These stories often highlight significant events, turning points, or milestones that have shaped their lives. Unfortunately, some people feel their experiences aren’t special enough to share. However, I believe everyone possesses pearls of wisdom or golden nuggets—treasures of experience and insight—that are worth sharing.
A friend of mine recently mentioned that her father, Cecil Strange, who had just celebrated his 90th birthday, had fascinating stories to tell. Inspired by my blog’s goal of exploring how people face challenges and celebrate victories, I decided to interview him.
As I listened to him, I realized that many of the standard questions I might ask other seniors didn’t fully apply to him. Instead, he shared his life stories in his own unique way. While he didn’t explicitly provide psychological insights or interpretations of his experiences, his narrative offered a glimpse into his mental health journey. With his permission, I took the liberty of framing his life story through this lens to better understand his challenges, victories, and achievements.
What particularly stands out is that, if he were my client, I would have interpreted many events from his childhood as traumatic—his parents constantly fighting, their early divorce, living with his grandparents, often being alone as a child, being sent away to Catholic schools, and serving in the Korean War. However, Mr. Strange, like many older adults, doesn’t interpret these past events as negative psychological markers that shaped his life. He may not have realized that his emotional wounds influenced important decisions—developing a belief that the world is not safe, struggling to trust others, feeling abandoned, and lacking secure attachment. He felt nothing could be done about it and didn’t know any other reality. Today, he would likely be diagnosed with PTSD (post-traumatic stress disorder).
During my time with Mr. Strange, I appreciated his honesty, openness and candor about what he chose to share with me. When I have asked hundreds of clients over the years about their childhood, it often takes much time to build or earn their trust, or to shed light on their own or family insecurities and secrets. This was not the case with Mr. Strange. Actually, I believe he wanted to openly share his story to anyone who would take the time to listen.
The interview
The first question I asked him was “I understand you recently celebrated your birthday. How does it feel to be 90?”
He replied, “Well, my ankles slow me down, and I’m just getting over breaking my back in four places—I have rods in ’em.” (He had fallen down the stairs about a year ago.)
“Well, now it looks like you’re getting around okay.”
“Well, I’m still moving. Everybody thought I was going to die.”
“You were in the hospital for a while, right?”
“Yeah, but if I’d stayed there, I wouldn’t have survived.”
When asked how long do you want to live, he replied, “If it were up to me, I would want to live to be two hundred. A lot of people want to die, I don’t understand it, life hasn’t been that mean. I want to spend more time getting to know God.”
Childhood memories
I asked, “Can you tell me about some things from your childhood that had a strong impact on your life?”
He said, “Well, if my mother and father had stayed together, they would have killed each other—that’s a fact. My mother stabbed my dad.”
I turned my head in surprise. “How did that happen?”
“My dad raised his arm so she stabbed him in the arm. Even before they got married, I was told they got into it. My dad took a swing at her, missed, and smashed his hand into concrete.”
“How would you describe your parents?”
“They were both mean. Sometimes I would hide underneath the house to avoid a whooping. One time I caught the curtains on fire and hid under there for a long time. I don’t even remember why I set the curtains on fire.”
He then shared another story: “My parents lived on an Indian reservation in Oklahoma. One day, they were arguing, and my father threw a bucket at my mother’s head because he wanted to go into town and she didn’t want him to leave the house. But he was determined to take the cream to town and get drunk—he was quite the drinker and had whooped everyone in town. My mother got mad and pulled all the wiring out of the truck to stop him. He still wouldn’t give up, so he got a sled and horses to haul the cream. As he left, my mother shot a hole in the cream can with a .22 rifle. I had to plug the hole with my finger to stop the leak.”
I asked, “How did that affect you growing up?”
“It didn’t. I just thought it was stupid,” he said, referring to his parents’ behavior. “They didn’t bother me. I just watched—I was accustomed to it. I just lived, whatever came my way. I don’t think I was ever sad or angry.”
When I asked if he knew what PTSD was, he said, “No.” But after I explained it, he surprisingly said, “That’s what I have.”
According to Mr. Strange and prior to his birth, his parents lived near the parents of Pretty Boy Floyd, the notorious back robber and gangster of the 1920s-30s. Decades later, Mr. Strange’s father told him that the details around Floyd’s death were inaccurate.
Life after his parent’s divorce
After his parents divorced, he went to live with his religious grandparents, who were quiet and hardworking. “I didn’t think my grandfather was too sharp,” he admitted, “but after he died, I realized all he did for me. I was never hungry. He worked all the time, just like his dad, who plowed fields with horses. Looking back, I believe my grandparents protected me.”
One story stood out: “My grandmother told me to get my grandfather for dinner. Before I left, she said, ‘Watch out for the rattlesnakes.’ That stuck in my mind. On my way, I grabbed a big willow stick. Halfway there, I saw a rattlesnake and killed it. Then I remembered people say there’s always two, so I killed another one. When I got back, they didn’t believe me.”
Life as a loner
He often spent time alone on the farm or in the woods with his dog, Fifi. He told me three stories of Fifi protecting him, from a wild boar, a snake, and even a rabid dog that showed up in the front yard. “That dog saved my life,” he said. “What happened to Fifi?” I asked. “She got lost in Oklahoma City.”
His grandparents wanted him to become more social and arranged for him to play with a neighbor boy. Many years later he met this person again during the Korea War. He later discovered that this boy became a famous actor—James Garner.
Military service and beyond
After years of being passed between relatives and running away from Catholic schools, he joined the Marines and served in Korea for about nine months. One notable story he shared was when he was scouting along the Imjim River and heard what he believed to be a recording of tank tracks and a woman’s voice. His superior officer asked if tanks were actually approaching, but Mr. Strange assured him it was a recording meant to deceive them. This incident was later depicted in the movie The Battle of Injim River. “If they hadn’t believed me when I said it was a recording, we would’ve wound up in the middle of an air raid and probably killed.”
After the war, he worked in construction and spent 42 years as a school custodian. “Best jobs and worst jobs,” he said.
Reflections on life
When asked what people say annoys them about him, he laughed and said, “My family says I’m grumpy, so they call me Grumps. My wife, Pam, has a right to be annoyed at me now because I broke my back and my ankles are shot—now she has to cut wood like I used to.”
When I asked one of his daughters about his sensitive side, she said the family often talks about how he once bought rabbits to raise for food, but he quickly became attached to their cute, innocent, and adorable furry faces. Instead of eating them, he kept them as pets.
Final thoughts
From my interview with Mr. Strange, I got a glimpse of a man who, despite a traumatic childhood, lack of formal education, and many years of isolation, remained resilient. His life was defined by responsibility, hard work, and survival. His story is a testament to the power of endurance, even in the face of adversity.
EXERCISE
I encourage you to share your stories with others, especially your family. If your life is important to you, it is definitely important to others.
Remember, don’t act your age!
Let’s begin a conversation. Let me hear about your aging expedition My email is: djlmft@wrinkledworriedwise.com